A Growing Sense of Unease
It’s been a complex year of mixed emotions.
I made a bad decision to leave Seoul based upon the end of a relationship and a dislike of the weather. I’ve found myself really missing the place and the friends I made there. You can keep the weather, though. The expats here leave an awful lot to be desired generally. I have made a few sort of friends, but I guess they’re more acquaintances. I don’t feel any sort of connection with them. I have got to know precisely zero Chinese people beyond colleagues, students, and my girlfriend. Chinese people seem friendly enough, though, if that doesn’t seem to be a complete contradiction in terms (it isn’t, I’m not that friendly).
I also really, really miss Korean food. I’ve been quite surprised about how utterly indifferent I am to Chinese food, especially considering that I live in Guangdong, the home of Cantonese food. I’ve yet to have anything amazing, and I find the dining culture rather rushed and boring. In Korea, wherever I went in the country, I tasted something new, interesting and very often amazing; I like the sitting there and getting drunk aspect to it all as well. In China it seems like the restaurant owners want you to leave almost as soon as you’ve sat down, and the drinking culture is limited to a host of routine and unimaginative bars. You can keep Korean beer, though.
Whereas I travelled quite a bit in Korea, I’ve got no interest in doing so in China. I think this has much to do with the relative difference between a small country with a great transport system, and a big country with a not so good one. Also, the travel experiences I have had in China have not been good (see rant below).
Chinese hospitals are awful. I have a long-term chronic health issue, so for me this is a big issue. In Korea, the hospitals were like 5* hotels and I got the best treatment I’ve ever had. As I take daily medication there is also the very serious issue that China is the home of fake medicine. This worries me beyond belief. Fortunately, Macau and Hong Kong are fairly easily accessible, although it’s not cheap to go there and access is not always so easy (see rant below).
The university I work for is so badly organised it’s hard to comprehend how they ever get anything done. The most convoluted option is always the option taken. There is zero consideration given to either the needs of the students or the teachers, everything is geared to the workings of the administration. The administration could not care less about the students or the teachers. I miss my old university, which was in retrospect, very well organised and efficiently run. Foreign teachers were actually given a voice, whereas here, there is none. This goes as far as pay and conditions; I am paid hourly – so sick or holidays = no pay. No office, no facilities; I come, do my lessons, leave. Some teachers might find this appealing, but if you are one of those teachers who actually cares, you’ll understand what this means in reality. It means you have no say, it means you have no proper means to prepare, it means you are on the outside, the hired help who comes and goes. The (unpaid) holiday time given is also far worse.
***
I went to Macau for New Year’s Eve. I really like the old town in Macau, but that’s not why most people go there. It’s all about casinos for most mainland Chinese (who make up the vast majority of visitors).
We got there late because T had to work until 8.30pm. It took us two hours to cross the border at Zhuhai. It was a frustrating experience, not particularly because of the queues, but because of the cretinous behaviour of the Chinese travellers in said queues. Yes, I know all about cultural difference, etc, etc, but it still doesn’t stop situations of complete idiocy from being situations of complete idiocy. At Zhuhai, you have to cross the Chinese border, and from there you have a short walk through no-man’s land to the Macau border. The Chinese side was irritating because it confirmed just how grating to the ear I find Cantonese. It’s unbearable. It’s like a constantly aggressive attack of angry whooping bird call turned up to 11. All Cantonese speakers seem to find it necessary to have insanely loud phone conversations; a guy behind was speaking so loudly that I could hear him above the full volume of Iceage I’d been using to block out the sound of a room of full of 500 people who all appeared to be simultaneously arguing with one another.
Whilst I was going slowly mad with aural intolerance, people would be attempting to barge into the lines, which had metal barriers on either sides. Eventually, I moved T in front of me and stood with my arms across from either side blocking the intruders’ passage. I ignored anyone who attempted to pass and eventually they gave up and stood behind me probably slagging me off. Good. This calmed down and eventually stopped the closer we got to immigration.
After the Chinese side, we needed to go through Macau immigration. This was a fucking nightmare. As we got into the crossing room (?) the authorities decided to open up two more lines. T and I happened to be close to one of the newly opened lines as we entered the room so we moved forward to wait for the gate to open. As we did, it seemed like the whole of China moved on mass to take our place. Middle aged men pushed T out of the way, and jostled with me as they moved their parties in front; people were literally running like village idiots towards the moon from one end of the room to where the new line was, so within seconds where there could have been an orderly queue there was a swell of people pressing up against one another, all screaming at relatives and friends to join them.
I very nearly lost it and had to restrain myself from slapping some 50 year old guy who literally knocked T off her feet.
The end result was, of course, that within seconds the line was the same length as all the other lines.
In the queue, with people pressing up against me, I felt more alone than I’ve ever felt. What am I doing here? I don’t belong here. These people are fucking idiots. Why can’t they just show a little maturity and common sense? This is how children behave.
Again, I realise that some will interpret this as me showing some form of cultural superiority, and some will say I’m being racist. Frankly, if questioning why people can’t behave in a manner that shows some sort of consideration for others is either of those, then fine, fill your boots.
***
I realise that I need a break from Asia. I’m beginning to feel frazzled and worn down from situations such as the above. It’s beginning to get to me for the first time in nearly four years, and I don’t want to lose it because I really do understand that it is cultural difference. I need to go back to Europe for a while. I actually do want to visit England, but it’s difficult for me as I have a complicated relationship with my family that makes it hard for me to return. The very thought of it makes me feel stressed.
***
I realise that it’s now time for big decisions; do I stay in China for another year and give it a go? Do I go back to Korea? Do I try somewhere new?
My current train of thought is that I will probably leave China at the end of this academic year. Whereas I loved Korea right from the off and was fascinated by it, I’ve felt complete indifference to China. Actually, that’s not quite true; I’ve felt utter revulsion towards some of the expats here, and a feeling of alienation I didn’t feel in the slightest in Korea. There are of course other options. Like many people who end up in Korea, Japan was my first choice, but Korea won out due to the financial incentive. Of course, my time in Korea turned out better than expected, but I still have a hankering for Japan. I really enjoyed my holidays there and it was the place I intended to live from when I decided to teach EFL overseas. It’s a distinct possibility in a number of probabilities.
My husband has worked along side many cultures all over the world. His absolute least favorite is the Chinese. Some of your context involving how they acted with the lines is exactly how he has described them to me on several occasions. So, I don’t think it’s you and you being not all too friendly.
Happy New Year and I hope you find a suitable adventure for the year to come!
Sometimes it’s the combined weight of seemingly small things that starts to push you over the edge.
A couple of weeks previous to the Macau border crossing experience, I had a similar – if not worse – experience going from Shenzhen to Hong Kong. It felt like people had almost made a concerted effort to think ‘how can we make this shitty situation worse?’, but of course, that suggests some element of logic when really it’s just simply not even vaguely considering anyone else you don’t know personally.
Happy New Year to you to!
Can’t the border guards shoot in the air or something? I know this option would quickly exhaust itself but that is the generally accepted way of dealing with unruly mobs.
Korean students would say Chinese pushed and shouted more. I hadn’t thought it was possible.
But yes, there’s a lot to be said for Korean restaurants where yr left alone to keep drinking and ordering.
Korea really is nothing compared to China in terms of argy-bargy and volume.
Yeah, Korean drinking culture really is quite something. Really not the same anywhere else in Asia (well, Japan, but you need deep pockets to achieve the same effect).
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